As much as I love being in Vox, I'd be getting out of here soon. Vox is great but I used it the wrong way and filled it with sad, bitter and stupid memories.
My new blog (with no posts yet) is Looking for Leo.
Will not be deleting this blog though. Someday I want to look back at this blog and feel nothing at all.
:)
It is easy to wish,
that I was never your classmate in first grade.
that we never befriended each other back in fourth grade.
that I never told you that I had a crush on your bestfriend.
that your jokes and stories are not funny.
that you weren't my classmate again in sixth grade.
that we never bonded over animes.
that I didn't give you my number when I got my first phone.
that I should have stayed mad at you all through out highschool when you teased me over something silly.
that you never gave me teddy.
that you never asked me to dance in our Junior Prom.
that we weren't classmates again in our fourth year in highschool.
that we weren't in the same cleaning and CAT group.
that you didn't exchange seats with my seatmate so that you could be beside me.
that you never acted heroic when I lost my wallet.
that you didn't stare at me whenever I try to sleep during recess and lunch breaks.
that you just left me alone when I had a fight with my bestfriend.
that you just went with your friends instead of staying with me.
that you never gave me that pretty blue butterfly necklace in our Senior Prom and wear it around my neck with your hands shaking.
It is easy to wish that you never said you love me,
that you never promised anything at all.
that I never met you at all.
But the thing is I already used my shooting star wish,
when I wished that you'd be the one.
I don't know if I'll ever catch another.
And now I can only wish,
though I know that it won't change a single thing
nor erase the pain we gave each other,
the hurtful words we uttered,
and the things that we never did.
Sleepless nights?
Stressful schoolwork?
Neglect?
Fatigue?
Palpitations?
Penny-less?
No vacation?
Restlessness?
Asthma attacks?
Misfortunes?
Taken for granted?
Another heartbreak?
BRING IT.
Just so you know,
someday I WILL BE HAPPY.
I like that word.
"Bonkers" too!
and happiness,
positivism,
ooh.. and graduation too!
who doesn't like that word.
Anyways,
I'll be dancing with our thesis today.
I hope we both doesn't have "two left feet"
:D
They say that when you love somebody you have to learn to let them go.
I hope they also mentioned or at least warned me of how it could hurt so much.
I'm down.
I'm lower than the floor I'm stepping on.
I hope he could know how much his words hurt me.
But then again, what for?
If I could tell him how I felt,
would that change anything?
I was just letting things be.
I was just waiting for him to calm down,
make up his mind
and even expected for things to get back the way it were before.
In return,
I got blamed for something that I didn't do and don't have any idea with.
I got rejected and turned down as if I'm someone who doesn't feel anything.
I was told to "move on" when I was just pulled back in his gravity.
and I was told to "grow up" when all along I've been trying to
handle things as maturely as possible.
How else can things get worse?
I don't understand.
What is it that you still want from me?
I wanted to be the reason of your happiness,
but you showed me that I cannot.
I've already accepted that you'd be happier with somebody else.
It hurts enough to know that and even see that.
I also know that things might not really be ok for us,
because if it can, then we'd started over now and canceled all this drama,
and we'd both be willing to forget what happen and change what went wrong.
Well, I am but your not.
And now I know that to you,
I'm only just that cold, mean and insensitive girl that broke your heart.
I get it, I really do.
So please just say your goodbye, if that's what you want.
I really don't need an explanation,
what is it for?
Is it to tell me that you've fallen out of love?
If that's it then please don't.
It'll break me.
Right now, I'm trying to hold on to what's left of me.
I'm too tired for this.
My only choices is to fight for you
or move on.
and I chose to move on
and I'm trying to move on,
isn't that what you wanted?
My only rational choice is to give up,
because you already gave me up.
So please stop saying sorry,
there's no need for it anymore.
Please stop making me feel that I'm someone who needs pity,
I've had enough of pity from myself already.
And its true that I used to do things my way back then,
but was that bad?
Is it really bad to follow my own initiative?
Is it really bad to do things my way?
Was it really bad to follow my heart?
Why do you have to make it look like I did nothing right?
Why is it when I've started to feel good about myself again,
you'd always come and pull me down?
Is this revenge?
Do you hate me that much,
that you won't let me be happy?
I hope you get to read this.
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